High IQ and drug use

L sent me a link to this article a day ago or so. Both of us still read quite a bit about drugs, still trying to understand and lots of these articles add another little piece to the puzzle:

http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/2011/11/16/high-iq-in-childhood-correlates-with-adult-drug-use/

International Survivors of Suicide Day

Saturday is International Survivors of Suicide Day. I am posting this early in case somebody wants to attend the conferences mentioned at the end.

I am a survivor of suicide. No, that does not mean I tried to take my life and didn't succeed; it means I lost a loved one to suicide, my son Henry.

All of us who have lost a loved one - no matter how - experience a lot of the same emotions: sadness; grief; loss; despair and anger, yes, anger.

For survivors of suicide there are a couple of extra emotions, though: shame and guilt. After talking to a few people just recently who lost as loved one as well, I have come to realize that maybe people aren't necessarily judging you or your loved one after a suicide; they just simply don't know what to say (a simple "I am so sorry for your loss" is sufficient), so maybe the shame is unnecessary.

The guilt, though, remains, even to this day - more than 4 years later. I don't kick myself quite so hard any longer, but I still ask the "what did I miss?," "what if" and "if only" questions. Why didn't I understand what was going on? I saw something was wrong, but I didn't know what it was.

One more thing that is different for survivors is the need to know, and I believe that's the same for anybody who has lost a loved one unexpectedly, violently. For me, it was an important part of the healing process, trying to find out as much as I could about what had gone on in Henry's life, what he had been doing, who he had hung with. Unfortunately (and most likely understandably), most of the people he spent his time with towards the end were reluctant if not downright unwilling to talk to me or answer my questions. That means there are still holes I would like to have filled. But I realize that I may never get answers to those and, as times goes by, it gets easier to live with those unanswered questions.

I assume all of those questions will always be there along with the feeling of loss and that big hole in my life.

As always, the AFPS has information on conferences, both online and in various locations around the world and helpful info for survivors.

http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewPage&page_id=FEE7D778-CF08-CB44-DA1285B6BBCF366E

More on the funeral

http://napavalleyregister.com/news/local/large-crowd-of-mourners-says-farewell-to-vintage-student/article_b31c9596-01e3-11e1-9ccf-001cc4c002e0.html

I was right in my assessment: a huge crowd, lots of Vintage students and lots and lots of white Tshirts.
Thankfully, there's a recap of the sermon because my Spanish just isn't up to it.
Still no news on who did this, but there's been yet another hit-and-run yesterday afternoon:
http://napa.patch.com/articles/child-airlifted-to-hospital-after-hwy-29-crash
I find that trend disturbing, very disturbing.

Today I went to a funeral

And I didn't even know the young man who had died nor do I know his family. Why did I go then? To show support for somebody who lost a child - unexpectedly, much too young, violently.
Ever since I read about the hit-and-run accident in which Ramon Ramirez was injured, I have been angry, sad and upset. Story here: http://napavalleyregister.com/news/local/student-declared-brain-dead-organs-to-be-donated/article_802029d2-fea0-11e0-b012-001cc4c002e0.html
As of today, the driver of the vehicle has not been found, the reward has been doubled to $2,000.
The thinking in my house is that it's either a drunk driver (in which case the car will eventually be found and so will the driver) or an illegal alien (in which case all bets are off).
I can't comment on the service itself - it was almost entirely in Spanish (which is the only reason I didn't end up crying my way through every Kleenex in my purse) and 2 years of Spanish simply aren't enough to understand much at all.
What did impress me was the number of people in attendance: easily close to a 1,000 with every bench full and plenty of people standing in back, the majority teenagers. There were lots and lots of white Tshirts (dress code was very casual, I was overdressed in mostly black) many, many of them with Ramon's senior picture on the front and either "Ramon 36" or "Monchiz 36" or "Ramon forever" on the back.
I was very touched to see this kind of support.
I hope Ramon's family will find peace in time and I very much hope there will be justice done eventually.

Good-bye old red Jeep

Another milestone - it's finally time to say good-bye to the old red Jeep. The first car I ever chose for myself - and then had to battle with L over driving it. Because it was cooler than the one he had :-)

We bought it in 1993 and just weeks later I had a near miss while driving on thick ice - back in Oklahoma. I slid through an intersection right between two cars; one was going N, the other S, I was headed W. Whew! That was scary.

This is the car that took us on vacations in New Mexico and Arizona and Utah and Colorado year after year until the kids complained. Couldn't we go somewhere else for a change? We went into Canyon de Chelly in the spring one year when the ice and snow had thawed but the water was still running deep - and promptly got water into the car, through the air vents. There probably still is a bit of reservation dirt in the carpet and floor mats.

This is the car that we drove from Oklahoma to California with two dogs in the very back and one child and lots of suitcases on the backseat. It took several days, we had to stop in certain cities because that's where we had reservations for us and the dogs at specific kennels - all very well planned in advance.

This is the car that drove kids to school, to band practice, to daycare, to karate.

This is the car that went through 3 radiators in one year, one came pre-damaged from the factory, the next one - well, who knows, mystery damage? We didn't have to pay for that one. The third one finally took and it's still in there.

After 13 years of driving it, it was time for a new car. On the mechanic's recommendation, we hung on to it and waited for Henry to get his license in the summer of 2006. He drove it for almost a year.

And this is the car that took him to the Golden Gate Bridge.

It's been sitting in the driveway since. We tried, half-heartedly, selling it a time or two. It didn't work and we obviously weren't ready.

Now it's time. Today we are donating it to Mission Solano.

It's time - finally - and it's a good thing. Still, I'll miss seeing the car in the driveway every day. And in my mind I can still hear the roar of the muffler (it has a "guy" muffler and a "guy" horn) when Henry drove off to school.

World Suicide Prevention Day

It's not until Saturday, but I sent in my annual letter to the editor early and it's in today's paper. I wasn't sure they'd print it. I had written a rather angry and fierce letter earlier this year and it was not printed. But here it is:

http://napavalleyregister.com/news/opinion/mailbag/a-permanent-solution-to-a-temporary-problem/article_e2e54508-d9b5-11e0-8f56-001cc4c002e0.html

And, no, I won't be reading the comments. I just don't have a thick enough skin.

Grants for suicide prevention

http://www.newswise.com/articles/suicide-prevention-funds-awarded-to-states-and-tribes#.Tl_MQ3YL92A.facebook

This article talks about grants provided to states and tribes for youth suicide prevention. It's a good thing and I am not at all surprised that quite a lot of the funds go to Native American Tribes. Suicide is a disproportionally larger problem there than in the general population.