17.1.09

Happy Birthday, Henry!


So, today is Henry's 20th birthday - or, rather, today would have been Henry's 20th birthday if he hadn't died 20 months and 9 days ago.
There are still days when I forget he's gone and too many days when I remember in too much detail that horrible day in May 2007.

And plenty of days when I can't believe he would have been 20 already.
What happened to that cute little boy with the big smile and the sunny disposition?
The tiny boy who actively participated in his baptism? What happened to the tiny boy who used to snuggle into my side when I read "Babies" by Gyo Fujikawa to him (in German)? We read that book (inherited from Kate) so often that it fell apart and we had to get a second copy.

The not quite 3-year-old who broke a tiny bone in his foot when he jumped off the sofa and landed in a little Fisher Price toy and had to wear a walking cast for a while. He learned to use it as a weapon real fast :-)

Where is the little boy who gave his sister a black eye with his rattle, the 7-year-old who hung out in a hot tub with Sally - "she's 40 and she's nice."


The kid who got so excited about testing for his junior black belt in karate. The teenager who tried his hardest not to be seen with his parents but who took me out for dinner (in public) the last Mother's Day he was alive (Mother's Day nowadays will always be associated with his funeral in my mind).

The sophomore who came home from a school retreat totally disgusted with the drug and alcohol use he'd witnessed. What happened between then and the end of senior year? Was he curious, rebelling, responding to a dare? I've heard rumors, not nice ones, but I don't know anything definite.


And most of all, what happened to the 4th grader who would tell me regularly on our walks home from school that he would never leave me. In a way, he hasn't. His body is gone, but his spirit will live in our hearts forever.

8 comments:

abeadlady said...

Happy Birthday, Henry.
Doris, what day in May? My Michelle died on the 2nd and we buried her on the 6th, which was the 3rd anniversary of my mother's death.
Henry will always be with you. The moment he was born, he found a place in your heart that will always be his.
Hugs,
Arline

Henrysmomsmusings said...

Arline, he died May 8 and was buried on the 13th - Mother's Day. Bad timing all around.
And, yes, he is always with me, not just in my heart but in my thoughts.
Hugs to you, too, Arline!

mjlayman said...

He's so much smaller than Kate in the first pictures and then bigger in the last! You'll have the pictures and the memories.

Katie B said...

Saying I'm sorry is not adequate.
But saying that I am glad you have these wonderful memories is good.
Memories are like a stone -- some painful, but the more we remember them and use them, the smoother the stone gets.
(sounds a little odd I know -- but sometimes that is how I use my memories.).
many hugs and squeezes to you !

Henrysmomsmusings said...

I do, Marilee. And there are plenty of nice ones and some funny ones.

Henrysmomsmusings said...

Thank you, Katie,
Your description makes me think of beach glass - I have a smallish collection. Might be more if I started going to the ocean more again.

GraceBeading said...

Doris, I simply cannot imagine the pain. I am mother to one boy and I don't know what this world would be for me without him. When I try to wonder... it is far to painful for even a few moments.

My heart aches for you, for your unfathomable loss. My thoughts and virtual hugs go out to you and your family.

I really enjoyed the photos - such a happy little boy *sigh* - if only...

Henrysmomsmusings said...

Yes, Grace ......... if only .....
We did that exercise in support group along with "what if" and "I wish" and quite a few other helpful things. Still, it's always there.
Both Larry and I have lost parents and that was painful but it's so totally different from losing a child.
I am so grateful for your kind words and the support I have here - here being cyberspace.